The love inside this
heart of mine can only hold a drop of your love.
This love inside is
much more than I can bear because this love is a gift.
A wedding gift, a
proposal date, a mystery holiday, yet how to love a man and love God
Is quite different,
You can taste, hear, smell and feel it yet not.
It grows deep below
the surface beyond the verge of self-pity and self-awareness,
Beyond the mountains
and high in the sky goes my love for thee, O my God.
Words are few and
words are confused all muddled around this mind of mine.
I can't take it
anymore, I just want You, I just want Your Kingdom to come, for perfection and
grace.
For loves true face
to be evident face to face. I long I hope I yearn for this day, yet how do I
wait?
Escaping the world
of boredom to face the wall of repentance, the wall of shame the wall of
forgiveness
Oh, I can't take any more of this, these constant lies the endless worries and doubt that I am
wrong and failed, I can't face the truth that is right in front of me. That I am
loved relentlessly. That I have been set free, been made new,
Reborn and renewed
day after day, hour after hour, you are washing the sot and dirt away. The pain
inside and the Knowledge of what You say is right, I'm forgiven. Yet how can I
have both sin and life within me; as Peter says; both sin and life rule within
my life. I feel not good enough, not worthy to receive that which I did not
earn, how can you give it so freely. The price has been paid, the life I now
live is free indeed, yet in reality, it's being changed little by little, bit by
bit. Slowly washing and making me into that which reflects you.
Oh how I know this
in my head but my heart yearns to know this reality, to be sealed with a kiss
of redemption and grace, of satisfaction, of living in the now, how?
How do I live for
today thinking that it is my last, yet knowing there is a future for me, one
promised by You.
Of hope and
prosperity, to give beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for sadness, the garment
of praise for the spirit of heaviness.
To write and express
myself is what I long to be able to master, yet for what reason, for what
purpose do I write, who am I writing too/ who will read these ramblings on pc
or handwritten mail.
Oh that my mind
would be full of good thoughts and would do as it is supposed to and not think
of oneself as poor or down or unworthy. Oh that my mind would think about God
as much as my brain thinks of nothingness or lies.
How do I even start
to express these things in my head that bother me and torment me to let them
out and tell someone about the issue I am having right now, oh words why do you
flee from me. I wish tears didn't make
my body so tired or drained that they would express the feelings I feel and
breath again to new life new passion, new victories in Christ.
