Walking by faith through the journey of emotions

Emotions are an ever present feeling that we have day to day hour by hour, reactions all make us human. This concept freaks me out because from emotions there are sad or upsetting ones also. Dealing with issues and facing fears is something we need to do for breakthrough in our lives. Jesus calls us overcomers through him because he himself overcomes the grave; unimaginable right but it’s a fact. And fact shows truth.

God has really been dealing with my inefficiency to make myself accept the fact that I am good enough. I don’t feel good, my actions aren’t always good my heart is somewhat darkened by the flesh and the evilness of my nature. But I must believe what God says about me because that is the truth, its reliable and it will never change. God says that I am good that he delights in me that he cherishes me and holds me close. He knows me intimately and calls me his daughter although my mind doesn’t fully agree with this I have a longing in my heart that I wobe true.  

Studying the Sermon on the Mount this week in lectures has really pulled my heart strings to want more yet know that it’s not me that can do it but God in me. (Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven Matt 5:3). Longing also for justice to take place around the world, longing for wrong to be made right, longing for sin to be executed from my being forever also is heavy on my heart. (Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled Matt 5:6). In all this I mourn because it hasn’t happened yet. Living in a generation that wants things ‘right now’ is hard, as God’s timing is perfect but it’s not my own. So fighting against the flesh and culture of today I cling for true reality for the one in which my heart longs for, for heaven where I will be with my husband, (Jesus) I will not be in torment, or pain or cry or hurt or be lovesick. I long for this every breath of my day, yet I don’t want to be selfish and want his return now. (Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Matt 5:4) Because I know that there are more to come into the kingdom, more to be lovers of God. More People to realise their potential and victory in the cross of Christ. And so I ask for patience to endure this pain; one of the teachers on the internship said ‘when are we ever going to be able to love God through weakness again? When are we ever going to be able to tell others about what Jesus did in/for us?

Last week the spirit of God broke out on an intercession set as we cried out for unbelievers, for our close ones that didn’t know God. My heart felt like it touched God’s and my cry was ‘there isn’t enough, there isn’t enough people yet?’ So my heart is burdened for the lost, for those that don’t know they are accepted into the family of God; that they are so loved that even while they were God’s enemies he loved them, thus the creation of the world happened. (Rom 5:8) Before the earth was created God knew us he thought about us and wanted us to reflect his beauty. (Psalm 139) Wanted us to receive and give love, and not love that the world knows but his love. This is unconditional, never changing, and fully free. Fully extreme that there is no measurement as to how wide, deep, long and high it is. (Eph. 3:18) It is who he is God is love, in all his expressions he is the one who it originated from, he describes it through his truth/word displays it in creation and reflects it through his children. We will have confidence when he returns because we are like God who is love and you love, love because it first loved you. And in love there is no fear it casts it out through the power of love itself. (1 John 4:16-19)

*Next goal receive the love of the Father.

Please continue to pray for me as I search the heart of the father to find our likenesses and see who I am in him. 

The Importance of having Table Meals

Society shows that many people no matter their age are looking for belonging because the home is not a safe place anymore, a church is a safe place, but a lot of the churches around the world are not leading people to the cross and to live the Kingdom Culture or standards of living. I’ve been reading a book called The Power of Covenant by Kingsley Fletcher; it talks about how important covenants are and how they affect you both good and bad. God uses them to show us his love and commitment to the relationship he wants and has with you. One important thing I’ve learnt from reading this book is that in a Covenant relationship you need to be genuine with speaking the truth and also in honesty. This is awesome because it is also one of my life goals; to be open and honest in all my relationships.

 What made the family homes not so safe anymore? Why are so many people sharing their feelings with people that are not safe or family? We all long to belong somewhere, to be known to share our hearts and not be judged if we do something silly or wrong. We want to be corrected in love not judged and laughed at. I know for myself that I look to guys to seek affirmation and approval; I am in the process of receiving this now from God and him alone. We can’t live without God because he has the manual he has the book of our lives and how to do things right in front of him waiting for us to come and ask him what to do and how to do it. Which reminds me of my DTS when we had father heart week with Frank Naea, we had to pick a name from a hat then ask God what he wanted to say to them and how he wanted us to tell them. Some people wrote songs gave gifts used analogies and just blessed our soaks off; the immensity of God’s love was radical a day I will never forget. I pray that you to would be encouraged to ask God in your relationships with people what He wants to say to them and how he wants to say it then sit back and watch God totally wreak them.

Anyway getting back to the title of my blog the table is so important, it represents a place to commune, to share to be honest and just share things with each other. This is so important to living to being able to express ourselves to be known and heard. There are something’s that we as humans need they are basic things like food, water, safety, and belonging. To live without out these things is just utter despair, people search and look for the latest thing to satisfy them yet they look all in the wrong places unless they look to Jesus they will never be totally satisfied. I’m not saying you can’t get satisfaction in friends, technology, eating or enjoying an activity but they don’t last, they never can totally satisfy the depths of your heart. It’s not an easy thing to get total satisfaction, actually it’s a daily thing getting away from the busyness and getting to the secret place to actual commune with God, to listen to him to hear his voice is overwhelming and indescribable it just feels so good.

So who are you sharing the table with, are they safe people, people that you can trust to be honest to be genuine and speak truth into your life?

What will your family life be like? Whether you have started making one or not, what Covenant promises are you going to implement to make sure your table is a safe place for your kids?

THINK ABOUT IT!!

A Day in the Life of Renee at YWAM Bethlehem

  A day in the life of Renee at YWAM Bethlehem

I feel that to get to know people, to invest in them and learn from them we need to see and hear about their daily lives as well as the struggles and victories they have. So here is a little bit of what I do here in Tauranga:

Monday morning I get up and spend some time reading the word. Then by 8:30- 9 I go to the house of prayer, meditating on the goodness of the Lord, before I go into briefing for an intercession set. (This is where we sing a few songs then sing in the spirit.  Someone then picks a topic to pray for and a scripture. Then prays the singer sings from the scripture asking God for the topic to happen.) This is based on scripture how the seraphim cry out to God singing Holy Holy, Holy, so we cry out to God asking for justice and for him to move in the place. We pray for the youth of Tauranga or NZ and a number of places and people groups.  This is done about 3 times within a 2 hour set.) Some sets we do worship with the word where we expand and go deep in the scripture as the Holy Spirit leads us to sings. After eating lunch I do any planning or work that I need done for hospitality, organising the speakers, making sure there is enough things to make a welcome card and gift pack. As the day progresses I head out to faith bible college for community night where we have teaching or a fun night of games and communing with each other.

I normally sing once or twice a week depending on the schedule and the others days that I go to the house of prayer I study the word and engage in the prayer. Every Friday night we have intercession where a lot of the community come join together to pray.  Sometimes I go to the sessions during the week when the speakers are speaking on the DTS.

This has been just one day in the life of Renee at YWAM Bethlehem.

Thank you:

Thank you so much for supporting me in prayer and continuing to seek the Lord, I pray a blessing on you and your families. I keep asking the Lord for new revelations for you so you will be able to grow deeper in love with him.

This next session of my life will be a bit more different as I will be a student again, spending about 20 or so hours in the house of prayer then also having teaching and lessons in the instrument either singing or guitar, depending on if I get in with the guitar.(Next week I will be auditioning)

Prayer Requests:

·         Please continue to pray for me that I will be able to get all the money I need to do this internship, I need about $4200 and have about $500 towards this.

·         Also keep in prayer the students that will be coming for the next school there are about 20 at the moment that have either been accepted or are in progress.

·         Please pray that God would keep growing me in his word and in the authority he has placed in me. That I may know a new depth of his heart towards me, towards his bride and have an understanding of who he is.

·         Please also pray that the stress of living as a missionary would not continue as I have been struggling a lot with this at the moment. 

Check out the video about what happens on DTS here at YWAM Bethlehem




http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Vlt_NzL3kcA

Giving it All for His Glory through a Heart of Generosity

From selling homes to making last minute decisions this tuition free DTS has proven that God is God and he is Jehovah Jirah. For myself I started off with only having 2 weeks rent and nothing more. For many students it was not having any money towards outreach. But seeing the generosity of their team members and fellow students God has provided and maintained us throughout the faith journey. 62 students 30+ staff living in the kingdom culture by relying on the kings generosity and favour. Faith has been given a new name in the community of YWAM Bethlehem radical love radical faith radical joy. Stepping out in faith although it seems hard in the natural is helped by the focus on the victory of the end. 

At Hope Centre we have been learning about the end times or eschatology as it is known. Having a concept of what will happen, knowing what to look for in the season of the coming of Jesus. We need to making sure we are ready and have our oil and lamps shining. For the world will be a dark place full of deception and deceit much more than it is today, and you can see it is increasing rapidly. So what do we who call ourselves Christians do while we wait for the return of the King? We grow in love with him, we lean on him and we show others his beauty. How do we do this? By being a daughter or son of God, not by doing but by being. Not by seeing but by believing. Having this concept of the kingdom in mind helps me through the tough days I face. Knowing that there will be no more tears or pain or darkness or temptation. None of it will be there, even death will not be a memory. Because of the joy and goodness, because of the worth and delight of Jesus we will be all consumed with the fire of God, we won't have to long for him to be with us because he will be forever. Our feeble minds can't comprehend forever because it's not meant too, our hearts though have eternity written on it. (went on a bit of a rant)

DTS is just about over (a few days left) for this half of the 2013, students will be leaving to go home some will return others will pursue what God has placed on their hearts. All in all the tuition free DTS will be marked as a success, an accomplishment with a picture. We started off with a blank canvas not knowing how to do it or what it would look like, now as we have placed strokes of paint and the picture is coming into view. Family, Love, Generosity, Extravagance, Worship and Prayer, and Intimacy being the centre of it all. Looking back at all the days planning and prayerfully spent makes my life surreal, not comprehendable by the worlds standards of living. But we are called to live by the spirit as Jesus did, doing only what the father tells us to do and walking in HIS strength to accomplish what he desires. 

Excellence has been pursued in this DTS to make the experience even more meaningful and lasting. Graduation will be in a couple of days and many staff are spending a lot of time and effort making decorations and planning a great night to finish this tuition free DTS, we hear in our staff meetings that other YWAM bases are looking at our base and wanting to live radically; to reach more people, to impact them the most, for it is from a heart of generosity that love flows. 

From Expectation to Inspiration

The call goes forth, 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.' ( Matt 28:19-20)
 The response is.... surely someone else will do it? I'm to busy planning my own life getting my goals achieved. Setting a life that is pleasing and fun. But is it really that, aren't you called for more, to do more, to search for more to discern more...?
There's got to be more to life then being happy, having the latest accessories, having a job you like. Something burns inside me for more, more love, more passion, more joy. But where do I attain it from where does it come from, will it even last?

John 4: 13-14 says "Jesus answered ' everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.' What is the water that God gives us? Is it not love? For it overflows from his heart to ours and spills out on to everyone we give it to. It's an overflowing fountain, never ending. Love, I thirst for it yet it overwhelms me, yet I want more. Mike Bickle in his teaching about the Song of Solomon, says this is love sickness. The Bridegroom is love sick for his bride, and we the bride should be love sick for our bridegroom. We must know him, and to know him in the Jewish context is to know someone intimately.
So I am on an adventure to seek after this love, to find it, to behold my husband Jesus, the one who showered me with kindness, love, affection, grace, the one who laid down his life for me. So that he as scripture says he will received the reward of his suffering; by walking in faith trusting that he is a safe God, that he is my provider, that he goes before me, he is right beside me.
 To trust this love that is eternal, that keeps flowing; fear grips me but I shake it off as I gaze at his beauty, the one who is found worthy. (Revelations 5:4-5)


'Go and make disciples'... what are disciples? People that follow a leader, learn from him walk like him, talk like him, reflect him. Oh to reflect the one my heart loves. We were made in the image of God in his likeness we were created. So how does it happened? What makes me be like him? He has called me a daughter of God, a royal priest, his beloved one. These are whom he my lover says I am, so what does it look like to be a daughter of God, a royal priest, his beloved? I don't rightly know but I'm willing to take the chance to find out, because the burning inside me longs to find something new, something overwhelming. Something so deep it hurts but fulfills me to the core. So as I go to the secret place my heart ponders what he will say to me, what will he want to talk about anything or just behold the beauty that I have gleaned from him?

The great commission as it is now called may seem like an expectation Jesus said to do... but he calls us to be His Sons and Daughters to be the people that he has called us to be. And in doing this we will be doing the great commission. Because it won't be out of obligation but love. Love for our father, our Bridegroom, love for the one our hearts yearn for. So ponder for a while and think about what you do and ask yourself are you being who you have been called?

Do you know the way you move me?

Do you not know that when you look to God, when you seek him out he is so ravished by you, when you say yes to God and no to the things of this world his heart is moved? Our human brains can't really understand that a God who is Almighty, All Powerful, All Worthy of Worship is moved he is overcome with emotions for you. Jesus is captivated by you.

Think about something that pleases you, like maybe a song, or a movie with significant power, it moves your heart to help or learn more about the history of it. Like Goodbye Bafana. It’s the story about Nelson Mandela and the hardships and joys of his life. And even to this day we remember what he did. It moves your heart and pulls on your heart strings, to reach out to those in need, those that are being mistreated, and those whom have been misjudged. Times your emotion by a 1000% and this is how God feels for you. It’s quite uncomprehendable, but who are we to not let God have these feelings towards us!

God wants to share his love that is why he created us, that is why he sent his Son to die for us so that the relationship could be restored. That he would be able to share his affections towards us.

Something to mediate on and encourage us is this: ‘The day we were born into sin has been concurred, because of what Christ did, so we are now not the person the world claims us to be or says we are. But we walk now in who we were made to be, from the beginning. We walk out something’s that might seem hard but we need to keep the focus on we are concurs"

Jesus feels about you how the father feels about him, such immense love, such intense and satisfying love. We need to renew our minds, to continue to fill it with the truths of who God says we are and how he feels about us.

"We destroy strongholds of the mind; which are a collection of thoughts/lies that are in agreement with the devil and not with God; by feeding our spirit and feasting on the truths of whom God is and who we are to God." We need to do this because it damages our intimacy with God. Because the truth sets you free and reveals us to the full knowledge of how God thinks of us.

When we can say oh God I see my weakness I see my struggle, and yet you love me, yet your heart is moved we start to understand grace, understand a bit of who God is. When you can get this when you can say Oh I'm dark I'm so full of sin but I'm lovely to you God, I am my beloveds and He is mine. Then you will be growing in love sickness for God. And when you are lovesick in the Kingdom you can also simultaneously be longing and thirsting for more of God. Even when he gives you his affections and they are overwhelming over powering and you feel you just can't handle them, you want more.

God wants a partner he wants to share his life with another, Just like we desire to share our lives with someone else, we long to express ourselves to someone in a way where we know they won't judge us wrongly, they will love us no matter what. I know for me I long for this I long to be loved by someone else and to share that back with them. To always journey with someone by my side, that knows what I do and knows who I am and can tell me when I forget who I am and to do it in return for them.

How I desire and long for intimacy with the Lord with someone else too, with my husband. I am lovesick for him. I want to be with him yet I will wait and spread my fragrance out to the world of the fruits he has planted in my garden.

God I pray you would give my love freely to others for the glory of Jesus whom has placed that love in me.I desire to give love back to God, to give him all of me. Voluntary love is when God comes into your garden and makes it His by YOUR invitation.

I pray this comforts your heart and encourages you to go deeper in the word to know for yourself the desires and thoughts God has for you.

Blessings to you

Renee 

Remembering the old to press on in the future

Remembering the years gone by, the times where there was much joy in my life, helps me see my situation of sadness as something that, with God's love I can press on. Lately I have been working quite a lot at Coffee Club doing dishes and serving customers. I have also been emailing students for the next school making sure they have all the things that they need to come. This has all caused me to be quite tired, especially after last Sunday (Mother's Day) we were so busy that basically everyone that worked at Coffee Club was there working. It was a blast and lots of fun, and well organised. I'm so grateful to have a job, that God has blessed me with the skills to work in hospitality and make other peoples days better. But to be honest when I get tired my shield and strength starts to fail and negative thoughts come in and I feel like I don't have the strength to fight the lies that the devil throws at me, So some prayer would be lovely please.

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'A meal with Jesus' by Tim Chester. It's really amazing to read how God spoke things, he fulfilled them through Jesus and also showed in part what the Kingdom of Heaven will be like with its feasts. Did you know that the feeding of the 5000 is a foretaste into how God will prepare for us a banquet in Isaiah 25:6-7 God says "on this mountain the Lord  of hosts will make for all people a feast of rich food...." You may know this as the Messianic Banquet of the one that God will have when we get to the new age the new kingdom. It's true and God showed us a little bit of how it will work with the feeding of the 5000. Cool ae there is also an amazing quote by Simon Carey Holt "...Most of what you do as a community of hospitality will go unnoticed and unrecognised. At base, hospitality is about providing a space for God's spirit to move. Setting a table, cooking a meal, washing the dishes is the ministry of facilitation: providing a context in which people feel loved and welcome and where God's spirit can be at work in their lives. Hospitality is a very ordinary business, but in its ordinariness is its real worth." This makes me feel very privileged to be one who provides good hospitality, by inviting people and making them welcome and cooking for them. (even if I don't get to do it all the time) 

Anyway that's just a little up date on how I'm going and what I have been doing in the last couple weeks. I was reading my journal earlier today and came across something that I wanted to share with you. Back in February Hope Centre (the church I attend) held a conference and I got totally wreaked by the Holy Spirit, I loved it, God revealed to me a picture and the feeling of what it was like to be the prostitute caught in adultery.
 (John 8:1-11) She was thrown to the ground in front of Jesus with a crowd of abusers asking Jesus questions. I felt and saw Jesus just writing on the ground. I felt the insults, the threats, the discussion, the pain and intensity of shame. Oh I felt so vulnerable  so worthless. I had been caught in sin, and thrown at a man so worthy of condemning me. I dear not look up, but as my doubts started to fade in the moment, the fear lessoned as the voices disappeared. I looked up and heard a voice say "neither do I condemn you go now and leave your life of sin". Such hope and destiny were found in those words. A grace unconceivable by man, given only by one who could condemn but chose to love instead. WOW right, imagine yourself in that same position after you've done something wrong, no matter how bad, God forgives us he loves us so much that he forgives rather than condemns. Romans 8:1 says therefore there is now no condemnation. Praise God for this, that he came to give grace to lay down his life so that we might in his resurrection take up his life, to be with his father be with our father, our creator. It just blows my mind the intensity of God's love. There is hope for the hopeless, peace for the restless because of God's great love and mercy. I pray this encourages you to seek God even in your darkest moments.

In news about the internship I have applied for it and need to do auditions for it. I've already done it for singing which is good, but I'm praying about whether to do it for the guitar and the cello. I may just do both and see what they think. So would you please keep me in your prayers as I venture into a place of worship for 3 months, that God would meet me and encourage me and heal my broken heart.

I pray for you all that God would pour out blessings, and if I know of anything in particular that you need prayer for I will pray for that. If there is something in particular you want me to pray for you for please just email me and I will pray for you as you pray for me. 

God's abundant blessings be with you 

Much love 
Renee