Ramblings of the mind

The love inside this heart of mine can only hold a drop of your love.

This love inside is much more than I can bear because this love is a gift.

A wedding gift, a proposal date, a mystery holiday, yet how to love a man and love God

Is quite different, You can taste, hear, smell and feel it yet not.

It grows deep below the surface beyond the verge of self-pity and self-awareness,

Beyond the mountains and high in the sky goes my love for thee, O my God.

Words are few and words are confused all muddled around this mind of mine.

I can't take it anymore, I just want You, I just want Your Kingdom to come, for perfection and grace.

For loves true face to be evident face to face. I long I hope I yearn for this day, yet how do I wait?

Escaping the world of boredom to face the wall of repentance, the wall of shame the wall of forgiveness

Oh, I can't take any more of this, these constant lies the endless worries and doubt that I am wrong and failed, I can't face the truth that is right in front of me. That I am loved relentlessly. That I have been set free, been made new,

Reborn and renewed day after day, hour after hour, you are washing the sot and dirt away. The pain inside and the Knowledge of what You say is right, I'm forgiven. Yet how can I have both sin and life within me; as Peter says; both sin and life rule within my life. I feel not good enough, not worthy to receive that which I did not earn, how can you give it so freely. The price has been paid, the life I now live is free indeed, yet in reality, it's being changed little by little, bit by bit. Slowly washing and making me into that which reflects you.

Oh how I know this in my head but my heart yearns to know this reality, to be sealed with a kiss of redemption and grace, of satisfaction, of living in the now, how?

How do I live for today thinking that it is my last, yet knowing there is a future for me, one promised by You.

Of hope and prosperity, to give beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for sadness, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

To write and express myself is what I long to be able to master, yet for what reason, for what purpose do I write, who am I writing too/ who will read these ramblings on pc or handwritten mail.

Oh that my mind would be full of good thoughts and would do as it is supposed to and not think of oneself as poor or down or unworthy. Oh that my mind would think about God as much as my brain thinks of nothingness or lies.

How do I even start to express these things in my head that bother me and torment me to let them out and tell someone about the issue I am having right now, oh words why do you flee from me. I wish tears  didn't make my body so tired or drained that they would express the feelings I feel and breath again to new life new passion, new victories in Christ.

Decerning the times

As I have been studying a little of the book of 1 Timothy, I have been looking at what era we are in. 

And where history is repeating itself?

I feel like we are in the Great Depression again, there may not have been a world war in the physical but in the atmosphere of the spirit I feel like those in the battle are getting weary. That those fighting need strength and a greater awareness of God’s presence in their life. To be sustained by the love of God and encouraged to preserve as we come into a new era. There is a shift taking place and we need not be overwhelmed by the increase of need but to strength ourselves by waiting on the Lord to send more labourers. To wait on the Lord to renew our strength. To wait on the Lord to sustain us when the storm is all around. 

Now is the time to renew that which has been placed within us. To search out and declare the mysteries of God. To seek out in the secret place the treasures of the Lord. To gravitate towards loving God and dwelling in his presence wherever we go. To draw near to God just as he is drawing nearer to us. 

Now is the time to prepare, for the time is yet short for the battle front is coming our way. The history books are being written and the display of the hand of the Lord will move. 

There is much fear and anxiety in this generation and much talk on what we can do to help. I believe it is the key of unlocking hearts to the beauty of the Lord, to basking in his beauty and to unit together to declare courage and hope to the generations, to those that are full of fear about the future. To comfort those who morn to weep with those who weep but also to rejoice as we see the hand of the Lord move. For he will do it. The Lord will see that which he has said be fulfilled. For he is the faithful and true God,  one who can be trusted in all his ways. 

What will change this era to the next? 

Unity in the beloved. Unity in the saints. Unity with One Voice declaring Jesus Jesus you are our King we trust your leadership. Lead us, we will say what you say. We will love like the love the father has for you. 

We ask we speak we declare would you show us your love, teach us your ways lead us on paths to everlasting life. 

To the King of Kings and the one who dwells in inapproachable light be glory and dominion. For to honour the King is the honour the Kingdom. 

God the Mystery that can be found

The Mystery of the unknown, the unimaginable, and the beauty in which one is beheld is found in one that is so worthy so holy so uncontrollably irresistible, in this state we are drawn to a place where we need answers to the longings, answers to the why and how and with whom do we behold and add this attachment. God is a mystery yet he has made himself known throughout creation, in this modern day we have so much information and resources into the knowledge of God. We have concordances, contemplative revelations of the word of God, of what God has spoken to the heart of man, to unfold and put distinction to the person of God. The trouble with this is that we have to sort and assess which is from God and which is man-made. Thus the importance of the infilling of the Holy Spirit, He is in the throne room he is the communication line from us to God. Having an understanding of how to listen how to attain wisdom in communication with the Holy Spirit is a life -long commitment and for the better part a work in progress, to unveil the face of the Lord God until his return in the sky and beyond

If life were seen in footprints

If life was made of footprints I wonder how many you would have made.  

Where you would have travelled and who would be there with you.  

How many walls, streets and roads you have travelled that will determined your life's end. 

Will you travel the wide road that causes everyone to experience the same life. 

Or will you travel the narrow road full of adventures that some people have never been before. 

Going before so that others may know the barely traveled roads. 

Where bush and trees are an adventure and a place were your not alone but guided by the trees. 

Which way next only your heart knows best. 

Following the hidden treasure map. 

The one your heart sings about the place where only you can find out. 

In the heart of hearts you would know that following this dream is the only place for me.  

How many worn paths have we traveled back and forth. Houses we have lived in and rooms we have contended in. 

If a footprint was a description of a life who knows where your feet will find a place to rest and stare.  

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From Abraham to Lot, to the Shulimite woman who hosted Elisha, to Martha and Mary even to the leaders of congregations hospitality has been announced as part of everyday life. 

Apart of a cultural norm. To not look only after your own but also the sojourner and the stranger, the poor and the broken. The widow and the fatherless.

 The Kingdom of Heaven holds a banquet for these ones and invites them to participate in the festival of delight. The family of God. The tribe of Christ.

Unity in the body of Christ is found by the showing of love to those who are not your own. 

It's easy to love those close to you but to love those that come and go from your life? 

To love the stranger that stands in the line in the shopping mall? 

To love the customer who is complaining about something you might have done wrong? 

To love the neighbour that keeps you awake all night with the music ringing in your ears. 

To love the person in the car that cuts you off or pulled in front of you. 

This is easier said then done, it is more helpful to say then to just do without being asked. 

It is the small things that create huge waves in other peoples lives.

Are you watching? 

Are you looking for those small wonders? 

Have you been touched by the heart of another? Blessed to be a blessing?

Does the industry of hospitality really make you feel refreshed? Comforted? Safe? Secure? Is it a Sanctuary? Do you feel like your feet are being washed?

How can we wash feet? Where can we make use of this habit in our daily lives?

Washing of the feet symbolises yes humility but also it is an opportunity of genuine worship. 

Take the story of the sinful woman in scripture who poured out her life's possessions for the one found worthy.

The washing the feet can also be seen as friendship opening the door to express love and enjoyment. 

My God walked upon this planet...

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He who was formed in the womb of a woman has now arisen and sits on a throne.

Captivated by hearts that draw near to hear his voice.

King Jesus set the captives free. King Jesus make the blind to see.

Rebellion and hate are growing still massacres happen nearly everyday.

Stabbing fighting hating the human life. Religion being a form of deceit.

Jeshua came to bring about a life incarnate to those who have died. 

Sin greed hate and jealousy all have lost the battle, for love will rule them all. 

And love has conquered death itself, fighting it to its grave. 

No more sorrow no more tears a time will come when life will be fulfilled.

Triumph and splendor greatness and wealth, proud of my maker. 

Whom humbled himself.

The land of sorrow will become a land of hope. Jerusalem and Judah will sing again. 

Songs of glad tidings to its King of kings.

My God walked upon this planet. My God has not forsaken me.

My God has woken every captive and called them his friend.

Accepted. Beloved. Adorned with great light. 

Fantasy has become reality with the bride becoming a wife.

 Dynasty and royalty are commonly found in speeches of Kings and Queens.

You now have the deciding choice to bow before the king. 

To become his friend and companion or become one he has not known.

Beauty

Fame is beauty in this world.
Yet in the presence of he who is beauty, he declares beauty as a definition of character, a existents of a being.

We marvel at landscape and twinkly lights, we marvel at a person or a show. Yet there is a presence in which you can enter and find a beauty indescribable so perfect that you shake with tremors and are in such awe of that presence.

In this presence you have been chosen to stand to gaze to look upon and behold holiness. To become like holiness and do as he does. In this presence you are identified as an existence of something greater than you can possible imagine

A wandering question about self

Slave: "Cries out on the streets, in the malls until dawn. I want to be found!"

Slave: "Screams here I am, here's where I am! Use me! See me!"

Freedom says: "Come! Feel the touch of grace through me! Grace to be yourself, grace to walk as intended, without boundaries and limits, of WHO you really are. The destiny you once were has come alive. FREEDOM. Resurrection. Whole. Forgiven. No limit to the speed you go towards the Self you were created to be."

Slave: cries help!
Freedom says: I will.

Slave: Who are you?

Freedom: "I am your creator, your origin, in whom I liken you to look like.

I fashioned and formed you in the depths of the earth, putting each finger, eye and toe in place, just right!I am the one who gave you your name, your breathe, your very existence."

Slave: "whispers why would you do this for me? I am bound in chains? I couldn't pay you back? Gradually getting louder spelling out it's self life. I can't even reach you? I can't find you? I don't know how to accept You? I'm ugly, I've been used, I'm broken in pieces?"

Freedom starts walking closer, looking with compassion and mercy as Slave gets lower to the ground and falls backward.

Freedom: "I do not condemn you, come I have a key, I have band aids, come I'll tell you who you truly are. Walk with me, I'll walk you through the life I planned for you."

Slave: Cries What if I fall, what if I make a mistake, what if I don't live up to what you expect?

As Freedom unlocks one locket. A flash of light, a spark, Slave jeers backwards. "What was that?"

Where to go from here, what should be the answer to Slaves question?

what a great day!

The bustling leaves, the turning winds, around a corner spring shoots come.

The raising of the sun, and the setting of its rays. Pictures of life within the clouds.

What a great day.

 

A dancing a buzzing of dreams gone by.

A rescue, a hope fulfilled, a memory of life that has just gone still.

Breaking through is breaking news in ones life of hopelessness,

A standing still, a sigh of relief as the coming brings a new season of life. 

 

Twisting, turning waving and shaking, what is to be?

What does this heart yearn to see?

A new heaven a new earth, redemptions song coming forth.

A day of celebration a year in the making, beautiful things take an eternity.

 

Flaming fire, bright as the sun, flashing forth a glorious Son.

Tangled deep within a human a longing is felt

And yet is waiting to be fulfilled.

When Oh God will you pour out your love, when God will you draw close?

When God will I see you face to face and never have to leave this place?

 

Oh I'm waiting for this day, a glorious sound will be released, a sigh of excitement a song of glee.

Day by day I wonder which day, you will come back and we will see face to face. 

A generation of lovers will arise

Oh the silence of fathers and mothers. The rebellious , corrupt generations that just wanted to do what they wanted when they wanted to do it, and wanting to give their kids instant things. But look actually look at what this next generation is walking in, you who were fathered and mothered yet denied the presence of that which is necessary, did you not learn from them? Did you not hear their advice? Are you juggling too many expectations of what people actually want. Are we not mothers are we not fathers do you not see that love is the answer, that not human love nor the gifts of humanity but an eternal love that out lasts the generations, that is consistent, pure and exactly what we crave.

 

Is not the LORD drawing and calling people to be lovers not workers, is not the LORD cultivating a generation of new fathers and mothers, of nurturing by faith, by humility and grace extended to one and all. Is not the LORD fashioning and forming a definite expression of him self with those who are willing to go to the extreme, to go to the hardest and furtherest nations, those that are blinded by religion by doing things.

 

Come then join in the fun in the song of revelation. A dance of joyous pursuit, a hope that which we have been called, extends it's hand to us and pulls us along. A swirl and a swing a tangling a win, dancing beneath an autumn leaf song. Trees are dancing, waving there branches hurray. The leaves are falling down for joy and laughter is their game. A royal ballet a cheerful glee as one comes to the kingdom entering victoriously

A Offering of Worth

The pain rises within her

The gripping sorrow of her heart,

fear, rejection agonising yet sympathises with her heart.

 

Misunderstandings had taken place,

People had got the wrong end of what she was wanting to say.

To express love was what she had to offer, brokenness was her fame.

Wearing the broken record of worry and anxiety she simple became,

Ashes and sorrow, her everyday face.

 

She had had enough, she was sick of her pain,

A man of great power had beckoned her name.

Come and sin no more, follow me

and I will show you where freedom lives,

if you show me your pain?

 

She gathered all that she possessed

Her worldly treasures her own gain

And she poured it out at his feet

With tears streaming down her face.

A response of shame a display of disrespect in mans eyes

Yet she came, with an open heart and open mind wanting the great exchange.

 

Beauty for ashes,

the oil of joy for mourning,

a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. (Isaiah 61)

 

And his response, this man of great worth,

This man of power and authority said...

Do not reject her, leave her alone

She has done a beautiful thing to me...

She has done what she could...

And I declare that wherever the gospel is preached

What she has done will be told in memory of her. (Mark 14:6-9)

 

God acknowledges us in our pain he says

 'I was there with you and I promise to heal you.'

 

 

 

 

NOTE:Tears are a beautiful response to the hurt and pain that life throws at us.

They are our words when there are none to say.
 

Do not judge others in their pain
for crying out to God "Deliver me from this pain."

For tears bring freedom not condemnation
they bring joy to us when we face our pain.

So do not reject the one who cries from shame,
but rejoice that she is giving her pain
to the one who holds the key to the great exchange;
Freedom is our Portion,
Freedom is our Name.

For those who cry out to the Lord
he will swiftly make the exchange.

The Memories

The memories of childhood the faults and misconception,

The joys and laughter's is a weaving of history in our lives.

Sharing in the glory and tribulation of the cross of Christ,

Has brought me to remember that God is faithful, and he is in control. 

The highs and lows the sadness and joy

The memories of the glory of God being revealed.

Embracing the pain, rejecting the lies

And holding on to the truths brings Gods love to you.

Healing comes when facing the lies

And speaking the truth will counteract the lie.

Fear and rejection is redeemed through the cross,

Meditation and restoration are freedoms song.

Hands stretched out arms receive the love of God just for me.

God I thank you for creating me.

You Pursue me!!

There's got to be more than this?

There's got to be more to search?

A job a home a family a life,

yet what am I searching for?

Something bigger, someone who Knows me

Searching in the waves and curves of life for the infinite things

A constant, something that remains,

something I can find in this darkness

Something bigger something greater

Who is this one who pursues me?

He, God Pursues me. Fullstop

Yet me a faithless, lifeless, loveless being

Is what You God pursue and search for.

Like a lost sheep, wandering, You follow me.

When I fall you pick me up and carry me.

You know me my Shepherd, You know me.

A love so unreal, constantly faithful, Forgiving me

A God who pursues me!!

My heart searches you and now I see

This is why you made me,

You pursue me I pursue you

Searching after Your Great Devine.

Just One

The crowd is all around
Just One Man
The crowd is closing in
Crashing and Crushing
To see a glimpse

The Man's Words
The way He speaks
Has Power and Authority
It's nothing You had heard or seen.

People push and shove all around Him
as He moves towards a Song.
A Song of Thanksgiving,
A Song of Praise
Lifted high to Glorify God's Name.
A healing takes place.

But as He's moving, going along
He feels power released with a touch
He stops and shout, 'Who touched me?'

A mother, a Daughter, a Widow who knows?
Comes crawling back on her knees, oh so low.
The crowd splits as she drags herself
Desperately not wanting to be seen.
Crying with glee she tells her story
Constant bleeding for years you see.

Just One Touch, Just One Word
That is all you need.
'Daughter your faith has made you well, Go in peace.'


http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/22484/Woman-With-Issue-Of-Blood

Adoration and expression through one on one interaction.

This past Tuesday we did an Adoration set, where we sat in a room with classical music; spiritually inspired of course; as our main leader spoke truths and words about the characteristic of God the EVERLASTING. He gave a few scriptures and then started to pray, speaking out his adoration of God, using words like Unceasing One, Continuous, Uncreated, Permanent, Immeasurable..... on and on he went, for a whole hour and WOW the presence of God was felt. He asked us to also meditate of some of the verses, to connect with God on a personal level as he was. He started off in Psalms 90:2:

“Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.”

In the stillness and quiet places of my heart I looked and heard a voice 'I am continuous, I have no beginning and no end, I am uncreated, I am complete. I am the Ancient One and I stands alone, there is none who can compare to me, no box you can put me into, no catergory to explain label or define. I AM is everlasting, ever increasing,(in human sense) permanent and supreme. I formed culture, families and the lines of chemistry. The earth in its form was calculated, designed and breathe into. My finger print is on all things and from me is the flowing fountain that brings life and I am your access point to creativity, diversity, intellegence, and form. From me all things move and have their beings.'

So this is my hearts response to God, scattering my thoughts about him being Everlasting.

Anicent One, Glorious in Splendor, You were,

      You are and You will be forever

Lasting throughout eternity.

My heart beats double time

     For your nearness is incompariable.

Your Desire is for me

     I am Yours

              You are Mine.

Life overflows from you

     in you I have being...

I have beauty... I have value

     I have identity...

In you I find

                 LOVE

In Your Great and Marvelous Design

     You have crafted, formed and breathe

Leaving your marks for me to see

     To search you out for all eternity.

GOD YOU ARE CONTINEOUS

Only Jesus

When I am in doubt
When I am ashamed
When I have done wrong

You are the way
You are the truth
You are the life

When I feel darkness surround me
When death is haunting
When my doubts assail me

You are the way
You are the truth
You are the life

Forever I will say, You are the way, the truth and life
Can anyone come to you? A part from the father's consent.

Come he says, come away
Come sing to my heart.
For I find strength in the presence
I see the light
That you are the only way,
the only truth the only life.

Expressions of Pain

After reading a book produced by photoginx, YWAM Kona called 'Act Here Love Now' and having my heart torn for the reality of what happens around the world, the Lord helped me express my pain through a few poems.

Mouth

Behind the faces are the pain, scars and lies,
words have killed yet words can revive.
It only takes a word, a touch, a sign to make things right.
What are you doing with your life?

Do you speak truth, or do you speak lies
every one of them builds on top of the other.
Yet one truth can set a person free to dance, to sing, to make music for the King.
How are you changing lives?

Through prayer and petition through giving life
each second counts, words are life,
so be careful little mouth what you speak

1st world Suffering

Rejection, pain, bitterness and grief all parts of the 1st word life
We struggle with them on a daily existence, but what will set us free?

What is the opposite of these things what is beauty in your eyes?
Acceptance, health, forgiveness, and joy these are the things that will change your life.

It is in the eye of the beholder that beauty is found, who is looking?
Is it not the Lord God Almighty from heaven he looks down.

Lord God Almighty what then do you see as beautiful?
My Sons and Daughters acknowledging me with all their hearts living righteously, devoted to me.

Black Skin, White Skin Beautiful in his Sight.

Tears held in, tears let out,
crying out for the ones without
the untouchables, the unseen, the wounded and criminally unseen.

What to do, how to act yet I come to the fact,
My life is joyful not in my eyes but in the ones that watch me walk by.

White skin, black skin beauty as its own
the Lord God made us beautiful all on our own,
radiating, dazzling in his light
one day Jesus will be coming what a great sight.

Is this Really ME?

New Zealand runs in my bones, it pushes me to go on,
 seeing the blood life of New Zealanders causes my heart to burn.
 A deep longing for it to experience the Lord, and his great love.
 The whole mass, from North to South from the east to the west.

I cry out for an encounter for my nation.
 It can't be done some say,
But I know the word it says all things are possible,
 nothing can get in the way,
Of God changing a nation in a day.
Sweeping hearts with fire, the flames start within.

 Desire for more desire for greater things stir my heart to sing.
When Lord will you break in,
 how do I position my heart for him to move,
 When will the day be when I truly know
 that this is what God has called me to be?
 I learn about his goodness, his father-ness
 and know all I need to be is his daughter.

Speak sometimes, speak few things,
 the presence of the people, a person sobers the heart to repentance.
Peace, Peace I say to you, you bring peace.
Fellowship and community, perceptive and hungering
all things that I'm pondering,
do I have what it takes to make it though this day?

 Is it me or is it the Lord that causes this pain,
this longing for more, how do I live this day
pleasing and holy to the Lord?
Do I ever makes his day, Do I even feel him near?
Just one touch will this really satisfy?
Time and sessions pass me by,
 Is my mundane life all that I'm meant to be?

A word in season, a knowing of oneself,
identity lies within. Who I am is who he is,
 reflecting a mothers heart,
 a gentle child, a lovers desire.
 But for what? Do I really impact lives?
Do I really speak words of truth?
The ups and downs the going around, what is it all for?

My heart is displayed before the King,
Open and wounded from life's attacks,
My heart lives on my sleeve, for all to see the meaning of life itself.
An open vessel, and treasured possession,
Is this really me?

I Found Where I Belong

I went away to be birthed
I went away to be nourished with truth.
I went away for my hunger longed for it.
I went away to come alive.

Now being awakened, I carry a new thing
A thing to be birthed, a large package;
It will be delivered to a people yet known.
A burden for souls to be awakened
To rise from the ashes and step into beauty.

To know oneself is to know ones maker.
So follow me to the merry tune.
Skipping and singing towards the King.
Come away to be romanced,
By the King of all Kings.

Your beloved one awaits
Your beloved one longs,
The beloved one pursues your heart.
A noble theme,
an encounter of the heart,
Just one word
Just one phrase
Just one touch will melt your heart.

Don't hold back, never let go,
Don't let distraction, shame or envy make you go
From the arms of mercy,
the arms of love.
Come to him who calls you his own.

For your identity is in him,
He alone knows and sees you.
He is your protection,
Your sense of hope.

Come all ye who are weary,
Run to him,
Bound over the hills.
For he awaits, he longs,
He desires you to belong.

With a Joy Unending

Death is a passing in His story
A journey that is well devoted, well loved, well accomplished in life.
Leaving this body of sickness, the disease riddled with sin.
But oh the joy she now has singing at the feet of her King.

Oh the joy of living fully for the one her heart has longed to see.
Eyes wide open now, beholding the beauty of this Man.
Eternity waits for those who have a heart
A focused devotion to the King.

Eternity with the one named Love, Joy abounds in His nearness.
Joy is gladness overflowing, Love resounds like a symbol, crashing to and fro.
Her life was a devotion, her life was a nearness to her Lord, her life a resounding symbol of joy.

Come close to the one who knows you,
Give him all you have, for His delight is in you,
His joy overflows to you.
His peace, His love,
His security is found
Only in the presence of the Lord.

So draw near my weary and sad ones,
be comforted with a joy unending.